How was Your month?

Hey Earth!

Jefferson Thomas Freeman
3 min readNov 30, 2018

I miss you.
I heard this joke the other day and it made me think of You.
Norway is trying to save the Amazon lol.
No like the forest.
Its just funny.
It’s just funny because Norway is like, on the North Pole, The Amazon is on the equator.
Idk, I find it funny.

I just like to imagine that the Norwegians were like:

“So I just got off the phone with the scientists. Apparently, we need to start saving the Amazon.”

Why? Bezos seems to be doing just fine. Governments are giving him a shit load of cash.

“What? Bezos? Oh, oh, no like the rainforest in South America.
We need to save them all actually, but that’s just the biggest one.”

Oh right, okay… so wait why do we need to save the rainforest in South America, we’re in Norway.

“Yeah, well apparently the Amazon is like a carbon sync for the whole world. It helps keep the earth’s equilibrium, I don’t know really but the scientists sounded concerned.”

Okay, I think I am missing how this affects us.

Sigh “When we burn the north sea juice, it creates smoke, basically the Amazon absorbs that smoke and filters the air for the whole world.”

Uh huh

“Okay, let’s say you wanted to get a McSmørrebrød in January.”

Try everyday

“In January how would you go to McDonalds to get that McSmørrebrød?”

That’s easy, I’d ski. You can go through the drive through on skis. Don’t you know this?

“Okay, well imagine it’s raining in January so you have to drive to McDonalds in the rain rather than ski there in the snow.”

Oh shit.

Well aren’t the Americans doing something about . . . oh, right.
Well what can we do anyway, the Amazon is in Brazil, halfway across the world in a different country. We can’t force them to save it, that viking malarkey was like a 1000 years ago.

“I‘m not sure.”


. . . could we give them a shit load of cash?

“I’m not sure, I’ll ask them.”
. . .

“Uh, so I just called them, they said they’ll take a billion dollars.”

Really… wow. . . wait, just like that?
Wait, they really said they won’t cut down the Amazon if we pay them a billion dollars?
Hmmm . . .
do they have Amazon, the website in Brazil?

Okay so, if we just pay them a Billion dollars they are not gonna cut down the rainforest anymore?
“Yeah, that’s pretty much exactly what they said.”
Huh. . .
it seems too easy. Well send them a check.
It’s just a billion dollars. And bring me a McSmørbrød.

Then, I like to imagine that Brazil got their check and they were like:

I can’t believe you got those idiots to send us $1,000,000,000 dollars!?
You really just told them we were going to stop cutting down the Amazon and they sent the check?

“Yeah! I can’t believe it worked, the check cleared too, I looked.”
Oh my god, that is hilarious, I thought they were supposed to be super smart up there.
Maybe smart and gullible aren’t mutually exclusive”

Wow, they really thought we had the power to stop ourselves from cutting down the Amazon. Lol.
“Anyway, wanna go get a McFeijoada?”
“Sure . . . it’s on Them.”

Sorry for that, I like dark comedy.
Anyway, how was Your month?

This is the first in my series of one-draft writes.

Filename: TextstoEarth1118.doc



Jefferson Thomas Freeman

Perpetual Anti-Candidate for President of the United States of America.