“Jefferson Reads the Newspaper” effortlessly combines stupidity and boredom.

Jefferson Thomas Freeman
3 min readJan 17, 2019
This idiot.

I don’t usually write reviews, and I generally think reviews tend towards overly negative. I think critics get to sit on their throne of judgement, throwing shade while actively creating nothing themselves. But, once in a while something comes around that needs to be reviled, if only to bring it’s horribleness to light. That is exactly why Jefferson Reads the Newspaper needed to be reviewed. I’ve been watching this slow motion trainwreck for a couple months, and every minute I watch I regret. I’m not really sure anyone in their right mind would even call it a show. It’s basically just another idiot who thinks he knows better than everyone else.

The premise of this youtube disaster is every morning (albeit sometimes evenings because the timing is inconsistent) this unstable self-touted idiot gets in front of a camera and spouts his vapid opinions on today’s news as he attempts to read the Newspaper aloud. It’s unclear if he can read above a 5th grade level because he can barely pronounce most of the words as he struggles to speak between puffs of his Juul, annoyingly loud sips of his coffee, and the crunching of peanut M&Ms.

The Juul use is almost suspicious as he purports that Juul is his “not sponsor” whatever that means, yet he gives the addictive flash drive ample airtime every day and touts it as a “safe alternative to caffeine”. A spurious claim that I can only imagine is an attempt to make himself feel better about his obvious nicotine addiction. It’s not even clear what he means by it being safer than caffeine as this bespectacled slob guzzles coffee in-between drags of his Juul.

Despite the abscent premise and monotonous reality the show manages to drag on for 30+ minutes most days. In that time the jabroni at the helm usually only gets through the headlines on the front page and maybe 2 full stories. During his full story muttering he often loses his concentration, at times seemingly forgetting that he is on camera at all. When the show isn’t dead silence it often turns into unhinged rants about anything from Jefferson’s love of Nancy Pelosi to his annoyance with certain advertisements.

Whatever the creator’s thesis, he barely manages to become a caricature of himself. The show meanders without purpose before the host abruptly ends it each day when he realizes he is bored of his own shtick. His lack of tact is as grating on the soul as his hair is on the eyes. I am not sure why anyone would tune into this show, yet I do.

If there is one redeeming quality of the show it’s that sometimes his adorable cat comes into frame. The cat offers a brief respite from the abusive drone of this egomaniac’s own Magic Mirror.

Overall, I wish I had two more hands so I could give Jefferson Reads the Newspaper four big thumbs down.

This is the third in my series of one-draft writes.

Filename: JRTNReview11719.doc



Jefferson Thomas Freeman

Perpetual Anti-Candidate for President of the United States of America.