Was Elvis persecuted for his hips?

Jefferson Thomas Freeman
3 min readNov 22, 2018

Dear Everyone,

I think Elvis got persecuted for his hips.
Like . . .
I wonder if that’s why he died or disappeared or whatever happened.
I mean if you think about it.
Maybe that’s why a lot of people love Elvis.
I don’t really like his music but I think Elvis made people feel okay with the music in their hips.
And at the time people weren’t allowed to shake their hips or something. I don’t know
Can we just agree that hips are musical?

Like I will admit I am really not sure what a hip is.
Like what part of me is my hip exactly?
I can think of . . . at least . . . three things that might be my hip.
But like what is a hip.
Whatever, I know my hips feel musical.
But hip is a weird word.

Anyway, Elvis was feeling his music and so he started shaking his hips a bunch.
Which I totally get. Like, when you’re really feeling your music you almost have to.
Here. Stand up. Get a glass of something to sip. And try to stand still while rhapsody in blue plays.
I know I am right because you won’t even invest less than 17 minutes to prove me wrong.
So, hips are musical. I’m correct on this.

Anyway. Elvis.

Elvis shaked . . . shook, his hips because he liked his own music and They were like:

“You gotta stop it man.”
“Elvis. . . Enough, we get it. You Like your own music. Gross. Keep it to yourself.”
“Yeah, dude. your hips are like driving women crazy. They’re getting mad.”
“Put your fucking hips away”

I don’t know if that’s true.
Was Elvis even a good person?
I am pretty sure my entire knowledge of Elvis is based on half-watching a drunk history episode while I scrolled Instagram memes I’ve already seen 4 times.
Honestly, I might be mixing up Elvis and Shakira with this hip thing.

People with one name are hard to keep track of.
They’re all in the same folder in my brain.
I have a horrible organization system up there.

So, yeah, her hips don’t lie.
How would a hip lie tho?
. . . Actually, my cat’s hips lie.

Sometimes I think he is pushing up on me to be a big nice snugly little man. But when I go for the belly rub or something he attacks my hand.
His reasoning might not be in his hips tho. I think it’s more to do with the fact that a cat on the couch is a grouch.

Because, I’m definitely not sure what a cat hip is.
But I know my cat has big hips.
#BigHipTony we call him.

We call him lots of weird things tbh.

Sorry. I got a little off track.
Elvis’s hips. Yeah just seems like They didn’t want him to shake his hips or something.
Please @ me.
I just thought it was a funny thought and sure, I guess there’s a small chance it’s true.
Was Elvis persecuted for his hips? I don’t know.
But it is a funny thought.
And things that make us laugh seem to usually be either funny or true.


Filename: Elvis.joke



Jefferson Thomas Freeman

Perpetual Anti-Candidate for President of the United States of America.